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Watch Trump change his words from Putin summit
01:06 - Source: CNN

Editor’s Note: Rob Crilly is a British journalist living in New York. He was The Telegraph’s Afghanistan and Pakistan correspondent and was previously the East Africa correspondent for The Times of London. The opinions in this article are those of the author.

CNN  — 

You don’t get to where I am in life without understanding the anatomy of a good apology. The idea is to acknowledge any hurt caused, to explain briefly what went wrong, take ownership of that mistake and then – and only then – to request forgiveness. It should all be about recipient rather than issuer.

Once you know the rules, it is possible to deploy apologies whether they are needed or not – disarming everyone from lovers to officers of the law.

This week brought two examples of efforts to right wrongs, both falling miserably short of what might be expected from even a spaniel caught with a lamb chop in its mouth.

The first was what might be called the clarification apology – a subset of the larger class of non-apology apologies.

“It should have been obvious,” said Donald Trump as he tried to back away from denying Russia’s hand in the 2016 election, running down US intelligence services and cozying up to Vladimir Putin in Helsinki this week. “I thought it would be obvious, but I would like to clarify just in case it wasn’t.”

His explanation for failing to concede Russian interference was that he omitted the second part of a double negative, accidentally saying the opposite of what he meant. He misspoke.

In so doing he offers an explanation of what happened but little of the other features. There is no grappling with the impact of his words. No request for forgiveness. And he refuses to own his error by insisting the mistake should have been obvious to his audience.

Vern Unsworth, British cave diver
Elon Musk sued over 'pedo' tweet
02:49 - Source: CNN

The statement may have been presented in some quarters of the media as an apology. In fact it was the classic non-apology apology, deflecting criticism without giving ground in an over-elaborate explanation that raises more questions than it answers.

This is a man whose egotism makes it impossible to manage the painful self-reflection necessary for an actual apology.

Which brings us neatly to the other example this week: Elon Musk, the online entrepreneur and founder of Tesla, who casually flung an accusation of pedophilia at one of the brave British divers who rescued the Thai soccer team from a flooded cave.

It was the brave British diver’s fault, was the gist. “My words were spoken in anger after Mr Unsworth said several untruths & suggested I engage in a sexual act with the mini-sub.” he wrote on Twitter, after his offer of help of a mini submarine was rebuffed in graphic style.

It carries on in much the same way but does at least include an actual apology.

“Nonetheless, his actions against me do not justify my actions against him, and for that I apologize to Mr Unsworth and to the companies I represent as leader,” he said.

The giveaway is the apology to his companies. This is your classic corporate apology, deployed by a CEO who doesn’t want to be ousted by a board that believes slinging pedophile accusations around the internet is not the best way to please shareholders.

It all rather makes me wish for simpler times. Like when Sony executives – dressed in mourning black – delivered a textbook mea culpa for what was then the biggest criminal computer hack ever, in which the personal data of 77 million users of its gaming networks was compromised in 2011.

They spent an hour and 42 minutes explaining exactly what went wrong, spelling out their regret and offering a slew of freebies to make things right with customers. But it was 10 seconds of silence that sticks in the mind, when the three executives bowed to the audience in a public display of penitence.

If Trump and Musk really wanted to convince anyone of their remorse, then maybe they should ditch the torrent of self-serving statements and tweets, and just shut up for 10 seconds.